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Why Is My Computer So Slow? – ‘The Why’

Welcome to today’s edition of The Why.

Everywhere you look the media is pushing you telling you who to follow, what to watch and when to watch it.   You’re even sometimes told how to do it all.  Truth is, here at American Live Wire we do a bit of that too.  The big difference is we also tell you why.

You ask the questions.  We provide the answers.

“Why is my computer so slow?” you ask? Well, random computer geeks and sources such as Gizmodo will undoubtedly inform you that it has something to do with your browser optimizations, connection speed, your hard drive, your memory or RAM or some such technical talk that may very well be true but is anything but entertaining if not downright tedious.

why is my computer so slow

Why is my computer so slow?/Image: CuritibaineEnglish

(Your rockin’ writer has to put out a hundred bucks a pop when something is wrong with his laptop but that comes with a diagnosis and treatment presented in simple California public school system English. Yeah, it’s worth every penny.) So let’s answer our question of the day in pantyhose parlay. (You know, No Nonsense? If you missed the gag then Google it, guys.)

“Why is my computer so slow?” A Yahoo Answers respondent by the name of Rolzey reckons that it’s “down to your operating system or your graphics card (when playing games that is).” If you’re not a game player he says: “It might just be your motherboard (because) everything goes through that”. Finally he suggests that you “check the type of RAM as well – there are different speeds so whilst the size may be good – the speed could be appalling. “

Before Rolzey gets into technical details let’s see some other responses to the question: “Why is my computer so slow?” Ron M focused his response on not shutting off or cutting down on security measures. (Ron, ALW readers are smart enough to know that but thanks anyway.)

What Ron adds that works in simple English is that you don’t need every single computer program loading with your operating system. Your security and protection—well, duh—but you do not need “stuff like Adobe Reader, Game loaders, Word” and so forth loading with it. He states: “They do not need to load with the OS; you can just click on their icons to launch these programs.”

Here is the truthful answer to the question: “Why is my computer so slow?” We are American Live Wire and the ladies who have dated your randy writer can vouch that he’s “super, man,” so you know that we are all about “truth, justice and the American way.” So here is the truth about your computer speed.

Your computer is so slow because you probably look at porn. We don’t judge here but, hey, everyone gets curious, right? Your computer is probably chock full o’ pictures and videos of people doing the high Hokey Pokey. Yeah, it was probably your nasty little brother or your wicked step-mom but there it is.

why is my computer so slow

Why is my computer so slow?/Image: HolisticVanity

“Why is my computer so slow?” You download too many nasty movies because you’re sick of that soft-core Cinemax stuff. Maybe you just download too many pirated Hunger Games or Disney movies from “iffy” Latverian websites where you’re picking up Doctor Doom’s cookies, malware, spyware and viruses that slowly and silently erode your computer’s health. This continues until getting anything to download or play becomes tantamount to watching Betty White run the Boston Marathon.

“Why is my computer so slow?” It’s slow because you did a bunch of dirty and/or illegal things your mom told you not to do (or would have if she knew one single thing about those computer and “vidja” games) and now you all but broke it. If your computer was a body and had a full STD Panel at the local clinic it’d take more than a shot of penicillin to fix it, mmmkay?

“Why is my computer so slow?” Chances are if your connection is OK, it’s slow because you need to check it, clean it and take better care of it.  (Sometimes you gotta show your computer love.)

“Why is my computer so slow?” Now you know.

You ask the questions.  We provide the answers.

American Live Wire . . . Listen and be heard.

About Will Phoenix

W. Scott Phoenix, B.A., B.S. was born in Hawaii, raised in Pennsylvania and resides in California. He has been a published writer since 1978. His work has appeared (under various names) in numerous places in print and online including Examiner.com. He is a single parent of three children and has also worked as an actor, singer and teacher. He has been employed by such publications as the Daily Collegian and the Los Angeles Times.
  • BubblesGump

    Sorry, but this may have been one of the more worthless articles I’ve ever read. Now you know.

    • Will Phoenix

      Hello Bubbles,
      This is how it works. People ask the questions and I
      provide answers. o i sometimes inject a little personality? Yes. Do I
      realize that sometimes there will be people out there who know the
      answers? Yes. Do I let that stop me or hold that against them? No.
      One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. We all have to learn sometime . . . even people who think they know it
      all–don’t. As per usual, thanks for reading my stuff.