Welcome to the newest edition of The Why. ”Why do men have nipples?” you ask? Seriously? Is Meet the Parents or Date Movie running on basic cable again? (I have nipples, ladies, can you . . . well, never mind.)
There’s no question as to the reason women have nipples. They have them for babies. They hang hungry creatures from them.
Why men apparently have retained these redundant body parts, however, is not as clear especially since animals such as male mice no longer have nipples. If male lower life forms no longer have nipples then why do men?
As always, let’s look at some of the online responses posted by people on such sites as Yahoo and The Guardian. They were especially interesting this time.
“Ranald” claims men have nipples “so we can suffer from mammary-deficit-jealousy-syndrome,” confessing “OK, so I made the name up, but it’s true.”
Another post stated: men have nipples so that “when there’re no boobs around you can pretend you’re a woman and play with yourself.” It took three minds to come up with that one: “Dean, Jack and Connor”. (Is that like Moe, Larry and Curly?)
“Michael” believes it’s decorative. He says men have nipples “so we can have them pierced.” Then there are those who believe nipples on men are put there for purpose of punishment.
“Hayley Whitten” says men have nipples “to be clamped.” “Charlotte Glebocki” reiterates they are “to twist so females can punish men if they’ve been naughty.” “Louis Woos” concurs saying he has nipples so his “girlfriend (with her Jedi powers) can flick them both square on and make me cry like a girl.”
“Colin Boyd” figures men have nipples so that we “can have the breast of both worlds.” As “Harry Machin” guessed it might be because “if a man decides to have a sex change it makes the surgeon’s job easier.”
“Simon Badland” thinks men have nipples for appearance sake. After all, “without nipples, a man in a peep-hole bra would look truly ridiculous. It wouldn’t be worth wearing it.”
In truth, men have nipples because as embryos both guys and gals have similar body parts and tissues. It’s as if the embryo follows “a female template.” Beyond that, it’s the Y chromosome and the hormone testosterone that causes the changes and makes the embryo masculine. The testosterone nurtures the growth of the testicles and penis but because the nipples are already present before this happens they remain.
Maybe biology or Mother Nature or the Supreme Being of your choice is pretty clever. After all, nipples and breast tissue do help to protect the heart and lungs from injury. Even on men, they do more than keep our chests from fraying.
Why do men have nipples? Now you know.
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